Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 11:53AM
“You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” ~ David Ryan
I have had the opportunity to work with many people who have suffered with addiction over the years. It is a difficult monkey to have on your back. When you are immersed in addiction, all seems helpless. You become afraid of not having your fix. Many of you know that I believe that our life experience is a dance of Love and Fear. It is through the eradication of fear that we reach the state many call enlightenment. If, as the Bible says,”God is Love,” then we are here to experience our separation from Love so we can know Love/God fully. So the reality is each of us just wants to be loved.
"Life is meant to be a celebration! It shouldn't be necessary to set aside special times to remind us of this fact. Wise is the person who finds a reason to make every day a special one." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia
Addictions are based on several factors. Doctors will tell you it is a chemical response. I believe that our life experience is a product of belief. Those beliefs are based on their relationship to Love and to Fear. Recently while working with someone addicted to smoking, I looked at the time in their life that the smoking started. “Peer pressure,” was the reason given. As we looked deeper into the reason it was very apparent that she wanted the others to like her. So in reality she began smoking because she wanted her peers to love her. If you look at her life before this moment you come to realize that before she started smoking, she already felt unloved. She had been searching for a positive relationship experience and she found that using the tool of smoking.
"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~ Bill Cosby
Conditional love creates fear and distrust which makes us feel separate and alone. When you ask a smoker why they smoke, the answer usually is “it relaxes me.” That is because when they don’t smoke they are in fear. Smoking, or any other addiction, is just their means of getting the feeling of love. Smoking becomes their spouse. Stopping smoking is like ending a loving relationship. You're afraid you won’t have that feeling anymore. If the smoker is in a relationship, then the best thing their spouse can do is, instead of giving a negative response to the smoking, is take the moment they want to smoke and love them fully. If your relationship is also a sexual one then make love when they feel the need to smoke. Afterwards give them positive feedback so they feel loved and accomplished. People smoke after sex due to anxiety. Alleviate the anxiety and you alleviate the need for smoking. Don’t allow love making to become the addiction. Love them unconditionally and in all ways, and then they feel loved and, after time and results, they will set their fear down.
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”~ George Carlin
Addiction is a bad lover. Whatever your personal addiction is, realize that it is a relationship. The reason it is a relationship is because it gives you the feeling of love. When ending that relationship you will have all the pangs of a relationship ending. When the addictive relationship ends, remember you are ending it because it was unhealthy and not truly loving.
“You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” ~ David Ryan
I have had the opportunity to work with many people who have suffered with addiction over the years. It is a difficult monkey to have on your back. When you are immersed in addiction, all seems helpless. You become afraid of not having your fix. Many of you know that I believe that our life experience is a dance of Love and Fear. It is through the eradication of fear that we reach the state many call enlightenment. If, as the Bible says,”God is Love,” then we are here to experience our separation from Love so we can know Love/God fully. So the reality is each of us just wants to be loved.
"Life is meant to be a celebration! It shouldn't be necessary to set aside special times to remind us of this fact. Wise is the person who finds a reason to make every day a special one." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia
Addictions are based on several factors. Doctors will tell you it is a chemical response. I believe that our life experience is a product of belief. Those beliefs are based on their relationship to Love and to Fear. Recently while working with someone addicted to smoking, I looked at the time in their life that the smoking started. “Peer pressure,” was the reason given. As we looked deeper into the reason it was very apparent that she wanted the others to like her. So in reality she began smoking because she wanted her peers to love her. If you look at her life before this moment you come to realize that before she started smoking, she already felt unloved. She had been searching for a positive relationship experience and she found that using the tool of smoking.
"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~ Bill Cosby
Conditional love creates fear and distrust which makes us feel separate and alone. When you ask a smoker why they smoke, the answer usually is “it relaxes me.” That is because when they don’t smoke they are in fear. Smoking, or any other addiction, is just their means of getting the feeling of love. Smoking becomes their spouse. Stopping smoking is like ending a loving relationship. You're afraid you won’t have that feeling anymore. If the smoker is in a relationship, then the best thing their spouse can do is, instead of giving a negative response to the smoking, is take the moment they want to smoke and love them fully. If your relationship is also a sexual one then make love when they feel the need to smoke. Afterwards give them positive feedback so they feel loved and accomplished. People smoke after sex due to anxiety. Alleviate the anxiety and you alleviate the need for smoking. Don’t allow love making to become the addiction. Love them unconditionally and in all ways, and then they feel loved and, after time and results, they will set their fear down.
“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”~ George Carlin
Addiction is a bad lover. Whatever your personal addiction is, realize that it is a relationship. The reason it is a relationship is because it gives you the feeling of love. When ending that relationship you will have all the pangs of a relationship ending. When the addictive relationship ends, remember you are ending it because it was unhealthy and not truly loving.
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