_ Thanksgiving 2011
Each year, I make a list of things to be thankful for. So here goes:

I am thankful for:

·         Kelly and Kynan and all we are building together.
·         Supportive friends.
·         New revelations and directions.
·         Being able to witness the world coming together.
·         Having a roof over my head.
·         The ability to help.
·         For all who teach me.
·         For the others who sacrificed of themselves to afford me the freedoms I enjoy now.
·         Foresight to see where I am headed.
·         Release of past issues.
·         The house I live in.
·         ­­The students I teach.
·         The world I am creating.
·         Love.

All this being said, I AM grateful for this and more every day. 

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You.

Monday, June 20, 2011 at 9:05AM

“It's important to talk about it. You raise awareness. But you can also prevent it (child abuse) by not letting it be a secret.”~Chris Witty

I am always amazed at the number of victims of sexual abuse that I encounter in my private sessions. Not one day of sessions goes by that does not include a visit with at least one or more sexually abused person. From family members and trusted friends, to strangers and authority figures, the abusers come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. Working with men, I find very large percentages that were molested by their parish priests - more than society has really recognized. It is not uncommon for me to have two or three of them in a day. With women, the leading culprit is a father figure. The effect this has on these people’s lives is devastating, and often creates a lifetime struggle for them.

It is a lifetime struggle, that is, until they go through the process of releasing their personal fears and altering their direction. Forgiveness is what every therapist says must happen. But, before forgiveness can take place, two things must occur-- acknowledgement and understanding.  It is important that there be an acknowledgement that the abuse did happen and that the abused is not at fault.  Once there is acknowledgement--a very personal process that is different for each individual-- there can be an attempt at understanding. Without these two steps, acknowledgement and understanding, it is impossible for the abused to even conceive of forgiveness.

The remainder of this article will delve into the reasons why these types of abuse happen, so that it can help readers break through the barriers they may have lived behind and achieve that understanding. Let us break it down by gender and abuser, starting with the Men and the Parish Priest.

Men and the Parish Priest Priests are an interesting group. Many priests are truly caring, loving individuals that are just doing good work. Many individuals, however, join the priesthood because they feel shame for their very natural sexual desires and use the priesthood as a means for hiding from those feelings, whether straight or gay. Let’s look at their feelings of shame. First of all, many of these men grew up in Catholic families where homosexuality is not okay in the eyes of the “Lord.” When their natural feelings of homosexuality arise, they feel shame for those feelings, and suppress them.  The promise of a devout, celibate life draws suppressed men to the priesthood like moths to a flame. For the gay man, the reality is that their homosexual inclinations are a very natural and normal part of who they are. The problem is that they feel shame for their natural tendencies and build walls around them.

In priests' lives, they have suppressed the physical need for a natural way to receive love, and so, the desires must burst forth because they have halted the natural flow of love in their lives. This can lead to making bad choices. These choices then reinforce their feelings that they are bad people and should be ashamed. They struggle with this shame before, during, and after the horrible acts that are committed against the boys and girls in their charge. This all comes down to the simple fact that they are afraid of not having love, and find ways of justifying their lust as love. The damage this causes the world is farther reaching than most people realize.  I see it all the time, in every city I visit.   Every person on earth just wants to be loved, be they gay or straight, man, woman, or child. Our natural inclinations of sexual love can not truly be suppressed.  There will always be some sort of release. The sexual side of our nature is a representation of who we are and how we express our love. Whether being born homosexual, or choosing homosexuality, love is never wrong.  I take joy in helping as many of the abused as I can.   I help them to find their way past these blockages in their lives, and show them that there is love and it can be safe and unconditional.

Women and Father Figures

The men who are abusive to women are usually the victims of damaging relationships with their own parents. Most of the men I have worked with had parents with addictions of some sort, alcoholism being the foremost. Addictive behaviors are a search for a better feeling, also known as love. The reason they search for love is that their lives are full of negative feelings like loss, abandonment, and self hatred. All too often, this creates a horrible downward spiral from one generation to the next. I frequently am working with men who as children, wanted the unconditional love of their parents. Instead, they received only conditional love and not fully understanding that they were denied what they needed, they fall into addictive behaviors -just like their parents- in a search for the feeling of love.

These men always have low self esteem. Sometimes that same low self esteem manifests in a very large ego. This ego is a power play where they set themselves in a position of power so that they are respected or feared. They view this respect or fear as being loved. This viewpoint then leads to a cycle of behavior that often leads to sexual abuse because the sexual satisfaction they receive -from the bad things they do to innocent children- is reinforced by the positive physical sensations. As addicts they are driven by the need for these feelings, but since they do not fully understand what love is, they are never satisfied and the cycle continues until broken.  The good news is the cycle can be broken.  The feelings of shame and desperation, the self-doubt and suppression of love, do not need to be passed to the next generation.  Each generation has the power to choose.  To break the negative cycle is to choose love.

Choosing Love

I believe that we come into this world to fully experience love (God/Universe).  We do this by developing a healthy relationship between love and fear.  Understand that you are loved at all times. You are not alone in your experience. You do not have to search for the feeling of love.  We cannot know or experience love, without also experiencing its opposite (fear). Love is yours and you can follow your heart.  Love will flow, and love denied will burst forth in self gratification. For the abuser: get help and stop the cycle now. For you, the current victims: tell someone so that people can help. For the people who suffer from past abuses: choose to release the anchors of the past by seeing the abusers as victims themselves and forgiving them. Then choose this to be a new day and love as you want to love. Be the best expression of love you can be. It is who you are. I love you.

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

*Here is a link to "The Eight Steps for Breaking Through the Fear Barrier." It might prove helpful.

Friday, June 10, 2011 at 5:12PM

“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” ~James Allen

“I can’t. I’ll never. They don’t. I’ll Try. I Hope. I Need.”   The ever muttering mantra of those plagued with self doubt. Is this you? It damn sure was me! I suffered the agonizing pain of a low self worth and self doubt. I don’t anymore. It was a real challenge in my life. I struggled with obesity from an early age.  I was a social outcast in my town. I never fit in except with a very few people, some of whom moved away when I was young. I was born into a house that always struggled for money. I had a father who was self absorbed with an alcohol issue. It was hard and affected me in more ways than one. But I overcame it. I look back at that boy and I must say that I overcame it. I didn’t have therapy or counseling. It was I myself, and a spiritual understanding, that changed my life.

“If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.” ~ Jimmy Carter

As an adult these subconscious beliefs permeated my life. I felt I wasn’t worthy or even lovable. I felt as if I was worthless and those beliefs played themselves out in my life. I was told I was “a worthless bum” and I struggled as a bum for many years. I failed at many things in my life until I changed my mind. I had to do it - I had to make a choice and declare that choice to the world. Nothing changes in your world unless you change your mind about it first. The Universe is nothing but the product of your belief, and that belief in the creative channel through which your world experience is formed. But when do you change it? The biggest spiritual truth I wish I could transport into the mind of humanity is that nothing happens outside of this moment. Everything is based in what you think say and do in this moment. Tomorrow never really happens until it is today. Yesterday can’t happen again. So this pivotal moment is the moment of breaking self doubt.

“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances.” ~Bruce Barton

Self doubt is the fear of not being loved. As you sit in that chair right now realize that the universe is God/source. “God is Love” is right in the Bible (I know, I wrote that part (LOL)). Everything you experience in the world is love. Many people will argue that fact. But the most loving thing God/Universe can do is give us what we are asking for. We ask with our belief. What do you believe? Do you believe that the world is hard and you are not worthy? If so, what does the world show you? I’ll bet the world shows you reasons to believe that life is hard and you’re not worthy. I have a friend who his entire life believed that the world was easy and he would always have money. He one time told me he gives himself $20,000 a year to just blow on toys. He knows he will always have money and so God/Universe gives him money. BTW, he has really cool toys.

In this moment will you commit to changing your life? If you do everything changes and your world will show you the change. Once you see the change your self-doubt is demolished through time and results. Those results cannot happen unless you start in this moment.

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” ~Thomas Carlyle

If you want more information about breaking through the fears of self doubt, check out “The Eight Steps for Breaking through the Fear Barrier," a free coaching report when you sign up for the newsletter at www.johnofpeniel.com.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011 at 11:16PM

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~ Confucius

When I was a kid I wanted to be a policeman. I huddled next to my big metal television to watch Starsky and Hutch, SWAT, and yes, even Barney Miller. Not just any beat cop mind you, but a homicide detective was my goal. I always played cops and robbers. I would come home tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

As I grew up, my thoughts changed. I started working as a landscaper which led to becoming a landscape designer. I got the opportunity to design beautiful gardens and build them. I came home tired each day, tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

During this time I began frequenting renaissance festivals. I would get dressed in cool looking clothing and pay my way in and act as if I was from another time. It was so much fun. One day I was offered the opportunity to work one as a performer. That led to more than two decades as a sword-fighting comedian. At the end of each day I would come home tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

“Acting is everybody's favorite second job.” ~Jack Nicholson

I have had several other jobs as well: teaching college, fight directing, acting, directing. Each had many challenges, each was enlightening and each left me heading home tired and contented. Each was my Dream Job.

I now live my life empowering people to be the best they can be. I share my stories that were created in my other dream jobs. I help people get out of their way, break through their personal fears, and create amazing lives. I get to witness miracles on a regular basis. My job is to share my life experiences, both the positive and the negative, and tell how I overcame the obstacles and propelled my life forward. My job is to be me, in all the facets of me there are. To share the knowledge I have acquired in this life and in past lives, to step out and be me. At the end of the day I go home charged up and happily contented to know I have done good works for others and humanity as a whole. I am blessed to have my life be my Dream Job.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” ~Aristotle

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You

Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 11:53AM

“You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” ~ David Ryan

I have had the opportunity to work with many people who have suffered with addiction over the years. It is a difficult monkey to have on your back. When you are immersed in addiction, all seems helpless. You become afraid of not having your fix. Many of you know that I believe that our life experience is a dance of Love and Fear. It is through the eradication of fear that we reach the state many call enlightenment. If, as the Bible says,”God is Love,” then we are here to experience our separation from Love so we can know Love/God fully. So the reality is each of us just wants to be loved.

"Life is meant to be a celebration! It shouldn't be necessary to set aside special times to remind us of this fact. Wise is the person who finds a reason to make every day a special one." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Addictions are based on several factors. Doctors will tell you it is a chemical response. I believe that our life experience is a product of belief. Those beliefs are based on their relationship to Love and to Fear. Recently while working with someone addicted to smoking, I looked at the time in their life that the smoking started. “Peer pressure,” was the reason given. As we looked deeper into the reason it was very apparent that she wanted the others to like her. So in reality she began smoking because she wanted her peers to love her. If you look at her life before this moment you come to realize that before she started smoking, she already felt unloved. She had been searching for a positive relationship experience and she found that using the tool of smoking.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~ Bill Cosby

Conditional love creates fear and distrust which makes us feel separate and alone. When you ask a smoker why they smoke, the answer usually is “it relaxes me.” That is because when they don’t smoke they are in fear. Smoking, or any other addiction, is just their means of getting the feeling of love. Smoking becomes their spouse. Stopping smoking is like ending a loving relationship. You're afraid you won’t have that feeling anymore. If the smoker is in a relationship, then the best thing their spouse can do is, instead of giving a negative response to the smoking, is take the moment they want to smoke and love them fully. If your relationship is also a sexual one then make love when they feel the need to smoke. Afterwards give them  positive feedback so they feel loved and accomplished.  People smoke after sex due to anxiety. Alleviate the anxiety and you alleviate the need for smoking. Don’t allow love making to become the addiction. Love them unconditionally and in all ways, and then they feel loved and, after time and results, they will set their fear down.

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”~ George Carlin

Addiction is a bad lover. Whatever your personal addiction is, realize that it is a relationship. The reason it is a relationship is because it gives you the feeling of love. When ending that relationship you will have all the pangs of a relationship ending. When the addictive relationship ends, remember you are ending it because it was unhealthy and not truly loving.

Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 12:48PM

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service.

I have done six USO tours in my life. I have witnessed firsthand the bravery of women and men of our armed forces. I discovered early on that most are very determined to be of service. Though I am not one who supports wars, I must recognize the selfless service of these brave individuals. To be a US soldier means that you volunteer to go anywhere to defend the freedoms of others, and even though I feel that the drawing of lines between peoples and nations was the downfall of modern society, you must look at the act of joining the military as a supreme act of service. Today I honor those who have volunteered and fallen in their selfless act.

Service –noun ---- an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.

Today also I would like to remember some others who have passed in service to humanity. People like Mother Teresa who selflessly gave of herself to feed and care for the starving children of Calcutta. Mahatma Gandhi who gave of himself repeatedly to prove nonviolence was more powerful than violence. Let us also remember Moses, Buddha, Krishna, Jeshua, Mohammed, and many more Avatars who gave their entire lives as an example for humanity. These also gave of themselves selflessly. The soldiers are no less important than these amazing spiritual individuals. Where they are and what they are doing is unimportant; what is important is that they chose to be of service. The act of choosing and acting upon that decision creates a noble ripple in the fabric of the Universe. The intention of service is the most noble of acts.  

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Today I honor the act of service. I remember those that have fallen in service to another. I strive to be as noble as they and hold high a memorial in my heart for each and every one. God bless Humanity. The Selfless serve, praised be to Allah. Be the hero they were in your everyday. One day we will set down our arms and celebrate together as humanity.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you

Sunday, May 8, 2011 at 11:17PM

“If we lose love and self respect for each other, this is how we finally die.” ~Maya Angelou

In our lives we have many relationships. I want to tell you about my day today. I woke this morning and went to pick up my son at my ex-wife’s house. I called my new wife as she is out of town for business for extended periods of time. After talking to my wife I called Holly, my friend and assistant, to see how her day was going.

Let’s begin with the ex wife meeting. I am a believer that love given comes home again. To say my ex and I have had a very rocky relationship is understating the facts. It ended harshly and with much pain. The damages created to the subconscious mind were tricky to overcome. Trust was taken and continually misused. It wasn’t until I shifted my attachment to the situation that the relationship could alter for the better. Together we have made a magnificent son. It is for this purpose that the relationship must function in a loving way. Still to this day she values my insights and allows me to help guide her through struggles occasionally. I value her good parenting of my son and respect her for that.

“Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?”  ~ Confucious

My son is one of the greatest relationships I will ever experience in my lifetime. He is a loving boy who tells me frequently throughout the day that he loves me. I, of course, tell him as well. We laugh and sometimes cry as we go through the learning curves of childhood. I respect him as a human and help him when he does not have the information he is seeking. He in turn respects me and always says “please”, “thank you”, and, “excuse me.” Our days are filled with fun and sometimes intellectually stimulating conversations. Kynan is 7.

I asked the universe for a "fun and easy relationship with a soul mate.” Kelly came into my life. I adore her. I am always impressed by her intelligence, wisdom, talents, and beauty. She has supported me in some of the weirdest things to ever happen to me in my life and I am so grateful for such a magnificent partner in life. She respects me and I her. We are peers and no hierarchy exists in our relationship. I love her and she me. The frequent geographic distances our relationship experiences have no effect on our feelings for one another, and we are secure in the partnership.

Holly, my friend and assistant, stood by me through the thick and thin of my spiritual work. She feels that the work is important and we must spread the word. Holly began her own business and has been watching it grow. I admire her courage for taking the leap and respect her for sticking to her guns. Holly brings a great deal of happiness to my life as she supports the work that I feel I am here to do and she also is a friendly sounding board from time to time as I am for her.

“I get no respect.”~ Rodney Dangerfield

One element you will find in all of these relationships is respect. I respect them for who they are and love them always. When times of relationship strife come in it never changes the fact that we love each other and respect each other. Dominating relationships are relationships where one is doomed to never excel. One is always held to the standards of another. Domination is in essence a lack of respect for the potential of the other. In my relationship with my son, I am the parent and a strong one. When decisions are made I always share with him the logical reason why. It is how I respect him. He in turn has come to understand that process and will not argue the point knowing there is a reason. I give him respect and he gives it in return.

There is no one on earth who is more or less powerful than anyone else. Each one of us has unlimited divine potential within. By recognizing the potential within and honoring it, you propel people forward. That is what “Namaste” is all about. I recognize the divine unlimited potential in you. Thank you for choosing to spend your time with me.

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you.”~Lao Tzu

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You

Wednesday, April 20, 2011 at 10:05PM

The Four Noble Truths (Dharma)

Buddha was an amazing individual. Whether you believe his teachings or not, his concepts are valid in most religions' truths. I would like to share my thoughts on the four noble truths of Buddha in relationship to what I teach.

1.The Nature of Suffering: This is the noble truth of suffering: Birth is Suffering, Aging is Suffering, Illness is suffering, death is suffering; sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, and despair are suffering; union with what is displeasing is suffering; seperation from what is pleasing is suffering; Not to get what one wants is suffering; in brief, the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.

This first noble truth sounds terrible. It does so because it is focused on the negative aspect. We automatically connect with the negative words and don’t like the connotations. I find this fascinating, especially where it says,”Separation from what is pleasing is suffering.” In my beliefs this describes perfectly our separation for the source. If you ever heard or read my regression, you might remember that it says,”Everything is Love and we were given fear as our tool to experience Love fully.” Without the polar opposite we would never understand what Love is. So we have fear as our polar opposite. One of the main products of fear is suffering. People “suffer from” anxiety, depression, and physical ailment. I believe each has its root in a fear. We tend to hold on to or “cling” to our fears. Buddha says ”the five aggregates subject to clinging are suffering.” I believe suffering is fear.

2. Suffering’s Origin:
“This is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by delight and lust, seeking delight here and there, that is, craving for sensual pleasures, craving for existence, craving for extermination.”

The Second Noble Truth talks of a “craving which leads to renewed existence.” This seeking for the sensation of pleasure is us in the physical experience seeking the feeling of Love. We tend to constantly strive for the pleasurable sensations that we define as positive or in essence loving. The very separation we are here to experience leads us to seek the feeling of it. This is why people become addicted. It is the feeling they are addicted to. The feeling of relaxation is a positive sensation. When you ask a smoker why they smoke, most will say, ”It relaxes me.” It is the feeling they want because they are suffering with fear and choose this tool to allow themselves to relax.

3. Suffering’s Cessation:
“This is the noble truth of the cessation of suffering: it is the remainderless fading away and cessation of that same craving, the giving up and relinquishing of it, freedom from it, nonreliance on it.”

This is the step one must take to reach enlightenment. The “relinquishing” of suffering/fear until nothing remains of it and we no longer need to rely on it for contrast. We must release our fear to reach the potential of humankind. We each have control of our fear if we so choose. Many choose to feel helpless within their fear. It is the wise ones who choose to be in control of their fear long enough to release it.

4. The Path to the Cessation of Suffering:
“This is the noble truth of the way leading to the cessation of suffering: it is the Noble Eightfold Path; that is, right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration.”

This last noble truth tells us how to end suffering/fear. By living in a state of doing the right things you tend to then be surrounded by the right things. It is interesting, however, that several of the Noble Eightfold Path are based in our thought/belief/faith. The other two are actions upon our belief. We each know right from wrong. We each find ourselves thinking in ways (especially about ourselves) that are not congruent with the truth. When our thoughts, words, and deeds are based in fear we suffer. When they are based in Love we thrive.

Friday, March 25, 2011 at 6:42PM

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well,” ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Love: what is it? Is it something we strive for? Is it something that eludes us? Is it something we create? I believe it is what we are made of. I believe that the very fabric of God/Universe is Love. I also believe that we are a part of the fabric. When I had my past life regression my wonderful regressionist asked a simple yet powerful question: “What is the message to get out to the world?” The answer was,” Everything is Love and we are given fear as a tool to experience love fully.”

Our physical life experience is about separation from love. We do this so we may experience the true feelings of love, so we may come to know Love on a deeper level, to understand it. A true unconditional love is our highest desire. We want to be loved for who we are and not have limitations set upon us to be able to achieve love.

“All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else.” ~ Buddha

What are conditions? Conditions are limitations set upon something. “If you don’t get good grades, you’re grounded,” is a conditional statement. It tells the person that they will be a victim of an unloving act if they fail. It puts fear into them and creates a condition of having to perform to have the person’s love. It is a condition. But what is the root of the condition itself? Every parent wants their child to succeed. Some parents are lost in their own fears and see the children as representations of themselves. If the child fails it is a reflection on their parenting. If the child fails they are a bad parent. If the child fails then they themselves are not loved in their perception. They are also afraid of not being loved.

“Every human is the architect of their health or disease.” ~Buddha

Conditional love is a root cause of many ailments. Many people find that if they are ill then they get more attention and thus they feel loved. Many find that if the speak their personal truths they are reprimanded for who they are and so they never speak their truth. What I have found in my years of working with people is those that swallow their truth end up with digestive disorders and elimination organ (ie: kidney, liver, bowels, bladder) disorders. Once the people are broken free of the condition then they heal.

“There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.” ~Denis Waitley

I worked with a child once who was paralyzed. When the child was alone in the room with me he stood up. When the parent was in the room he couldn’t. It was discovered that when the child had the accident, a rather aloof parent suddenly became a great parent and very involved in the child’s life. The child stood with me because he knew I would love him if he did. He couldn’t stand with his parents because he felt loved if he couldn’t stand.  

Our simple belief is what creates our experience. As Buddha says,”What you think you become. You create your world.” Our belief in relationship to love is the root of our experience. If a condition is placed to achieve love we will create a condition to receive it. Is your love unconditional? Was the love of the people in your life unconditional? What aspects of your life are not as you wish and what is the condition that has been placed in your way? Remember Love is a positive sensation and fear a negative one. What condition stops you from achieving the positive sensation? I love you as you are …. No conditions.

“More than anything else, I believe it's our decisions, not the conditions of our lives, that determine our destiny.” ~Anthony Robbins

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 at 9:45PM

Each year we have a day that reminds us to be thankful for what we have in our lives.

I am thankful for:

Being able to wake each day.

Having a roof over my head.

Having wonderful friends.

Being able to serve.

For all that spoke truth.

For all that speak truth.

For all that will speak truth.

For the others who sacrificed of themselves to afford me the freedoms I enjoy now.

BUT MOST OF ALL:

For finding Kelly again

For my son Kynan and all the joys that he gives me.

Kelly saying “yes.”

Kelly saying” I do.”

The awareness to joyfully create the life of my desires with the people that I love most.

All this being said, I AM grateful for this and more every day.  Don’t wait for one time a year to be thankful and to share with those that matter that you are thankful for them.

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You