_ Thanksgiving 2011
Each year, I make a list of things to be thankful for. So here goes:

I am thankful for:

·         Kelly and Kynan and all we are building together.
·         Supportive friends.
·         New revelations and directions.
·         Being able to witness the world coming together.
·         Having a roof over my head.
·         The ability to help.
·         For all who teach me.
·         For the others who sacrificed of themselves to afford me the freedoms I enjoy now.
·         Foresight to see where I am headed.
·         Release of past issues.
·         The house I live in.
·         ­­The students I teach.
·         The world I am creating.
·         Love.

All this being said, I AM grateful for this and more every day. 

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You.

I drifted along day in and day out, all with good intention.

I found myself intending motion and finding a stillness of purpose.

As I sat in the still waters, bobbing aimlessly, I saw a distant beacon.

Beneath that beacon was a man, seeking guidance.

I called to him with good intention and he called back.

We spoke of direction, we spoke of motion.

He didn’t know the way.

“I’ll come to you,” I shouted, and began to paddle towards him.

As I set out towards the man in need, a wind rose behind me.

It became easier and easier to traverse the water.

I stepped from my boat to another shore.

There was the man unsure of his place, unsure of his divinity.

His world scoffed and judged and so he was lost.

But the beacon stood above him.

It stood a shining light for those on the path to find.

It showed the work to be done, and there stood the man.

“I know the way,” I said.

“I am no follower,” he responded.

“I am no leader,” I responded. 
"I am just someone on the path like you, but I know the path before you for I have traveled  it. Let us walk side by side along it.”

Together we walked.

Ahead we saw more people on the path.

We reached them.

“I must leave you now,” I told the man.

“Where do you go?” He replied.

“To find another.”

It is now several days past the 10th anniversary of the tragic events of September 11th. The day was horrific and world changing. What were the changes? On September 12th the world poured out support for the people of the United States. The first call to the president was from Russia. Countries rallied to offer aid. The world came together against injustice. The evil-doers were brought fully to light, exposed for all to see and to judge their actions. Arab nations condemned the attacks. Dictators with power agendas praised them. September 12th was a new dawn. Muslims stood side by side with Christians and indeed people of all faiths to condemn the actions taken by a few fundamentalists. In more ways than not on September 12th, 2001, we united the rational, loving, caring people of the world. It also set those offering fear and destruction on the run. No more would the world stand aside.

Slowly the world is coming together as one. The “Arab summer” is a case in point. The overthrow of dictators who ruled with an iron fist by people wanting to work together to create a new future is a sign of a peaceful future.  As with everything, however, growth comes with growing pains. We are witnessing some, but as each atrocity comes to light the less darkness the world has to offer. We are in a renaissance of humanity. We are stepping into a new future.

September 12th is a day to rejoice. Year after year let us celebrate this bold step of humanity to choose to come together against wrongs and create one giant right.

“Man is made by his belief. As he believes, so he is.”  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am amazed how often I hear the words “with my luck.” Our general society has a several standard phrases that we all tend to take for granted, the aforementioned being the poster child. Statements like “with my luck” have an underlying belief that is the driving force of what is being created in the person’s life. As these words are uttered, we often no longer even look at the meaning behind them. When someone says it, they usually are not thinking the “luck” is good. In fact the implied tone that comes with the phrase says quite the opposite. The overwhelming implication is ”poor me.”  

“With my luck” is a ploy for sympathy. It may not consciously be a ploy, but the subconscious is hard at work looking for a loving reaction to the statement. The weird thing is it only makes the listener feel bad and so the “poor me” person is then believed to be a not pleasant experience. So the belief behind the statement is made manifest in reality. The “poor me” person now experiences their belief in the very physical world.

We are each the creator of our experience. It’s the choices we make and the belief we put behind them that make our outer experience. I was having lunch recently with a person who was in a state of lack. During that hour I heard her say, “They can’t get blood from a turnip.” My response was,”I am not a turnip.” She realized at that moment the belief behind the statement. She was focused on the lack instead of the prosperity. The interesting thing was she had recently manifested miracles into her life on a grand scale and yet the underlying subconscious belief still was holding her back in other areas.

What subconscious beliefs are the barriers to your maximum potential? What things are you putting faith in that do not serve your highest goals. The quickest and easiest way to discover them is to pay attention to your words and the meanings behind them. Change your words, change your beliefs, change your life.

“The world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.” ~William James

Tuesday, June 28, 2011 at 9:42AM “No one is immune from addiction; it afflicts people of all ages, races, classes, and professions.” ~Patrick J. Kennedy

What a piece of shit I am.  I wish I could have good relationships. I never make enough money. Life is hard. Every moment is rough. I need a break. Where’s my______?  There it is. There…….. (relaxed sigh). Sound familiar? Does it sound extreme? Are you having this experience on a greater or lesser degree? This is the plight of a person with an addictive behavior. This is the search for relief.

Addiction permeates our society like a plague. It affects not only the addict but family, friends, and society as a whole. People suffer daily and feel helpless, hopeless, and defenseless against it. What is It? What are they truly searching for? It seems to me they are searching for a feeling, something other than the one they are currently feeling. They are looking for a way out of their pain. What is the feeling? What is it they are truly searching for? You can look for it in the psyches of the addicts, but I believe they are searching for the very thing every one of us is searching for:  Love.

Many will scoff at the idea that they are searching for love, dismissing the idea as trite, but the simplest concept is usually the correct one. Love: what is it? More than anything else love is a feeling. It is the feeling we strive for from our earliest years. As children, loving positive parents make us happy. An angered parent makes us sad or scared. We desire love in our lives. When we block love from ourselves, we inhibit ourselves from the very thing we naturally need. In my personal belief system I believe that God/Source is Love and we were given fear as our tool to experience love fully. So we are here to experience our separation from love.

Experiencing our separation happens in many ways. For many, it comes in the form of dysfunctional families. This doesn’t mean the horror story family. In some form we all have some dysfunction in our families, be they large dysfunctions or small. Many times the dysfunction is in extended families and friends. Sometimes it is societal or racial in nature, but no matter where the root lies it feels negative and not positive. Love is the positive state.

There are two kinds of love, conditional and unconditional. In unconditional love, there is never a worry or concern. Love is there no matter what. In a conditional love, you must meet the condition to receive love. Conditions create conditions. Many times we see this in families who reinforce negative behaviors with negative responses which tear the child down, instead of reinforcing positive behaviors and building the child up. The child will always lean towards a positive sensation and pull away from a negative one. When continually bombarded with negative reinforcement, many children fall into depression and fear. The fear becomes a dominant force in their lives and they feel as if they are always in a state of anxiety or suffer from self doubt and self worth issues. They look for a way out.

It doesn’t matter where they discovered the substance or experience or what those things are. It only really matters to the addict how it makes them feel. They are looking for relief. They want to relax from the pain of anxiety and fear. They want love. They find it in a feeling, a positive sensation. They find it in many places. The obvious ones are drugs and alcohol. These are followed closely by smoking, but there are many other ways of getting the feeling they are searching for. Many alcoholics, in finding their way clean, turn to God and become addicted to religion as it makes them feel good. Often people will go into therapy and become addicted to the therapy or the therapist. Each new break-through moment is just the next high. The food addiction has people hiding wrappers and evidence of what they eat from others for fear of not having their love. Sex addicts transpose lust for love and are repeatedly disappointed at the state of their "love life.”  If this sounds like you in any area of your life, there is hope.

Hope comes in the form of unconditional love. The feeling of unconditional love is relaxation and happiness or joy. It is the relief you seek. So rather than using the weighty word of love, let us instead use relaxation. What is relaxation? More than anything else relaxation is a feeling, a positive sensation. It is a respite from the travails of life. Take this moment and breathe deeply. When you exhale allow your body to fully relax your muscles. Do this several times. Go ahead - I’ll wait. Now that you have done that, how did it make you feel? The answer almost invariably is ”good.” So in that moment you felt "good.” Who was it that allowed you to feel that way? Who was it that that also felt that way? In that moment you felt the positive sensation of relaxation. That feeling is also the feeling of love. You at any given moment can sto, take a breath and feel love in the form of relaxation. If you ask smokers why they smoke, the number one answer is, “It relaxes me.” Watch when a smoker smokes or a drinker drinks and you will very quickly notice that right after each draw of nicotine or alcohol they relax their muscles and fully exhale. They are addicted to the feeling. The next time you feel the need for your addiction. Take a breathing break. And feel the positive sensation you are searching for.

Scientific theory says that twenty one days of continual behavior creates habit. Take a "breathing break” for twenty one days and the old habits are kicked. Whenever you feel the anxiety and the fear, take a breathing break. Whenever the world feels oppressive, take a breathing break. There is no one on earth more or less powerful than you. You are the creator of your experience. You can do it. I have belief in you and I look forward to hearing about your success.

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.” ~ Unknown

* Click below to download "Eight Steps For Breaking Through the Fear Barrier." It may prove helpful in your journey.

Monday, June 20, 2011 at 9:05AM

“It's important to talk about it. You raise awareness. But you can also prevent it (child abuse) by not letting it be a secret.”~Chris Witty

I am always amazed at the number of victims of sexual abuse that I encounter in my private sessions. Not one day of sessions goes by that does not include a visit with at least one or more sexually abused person. From family members and trusted friends, to strangers and authority figures, the abusers come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. Working with men, I find very large percentages that were molested by their parish priests - more than society has really recognized. It is not uncommon for me to have two or three of them in a day. With women, the leading culprit is a father figure. The effect this has on these people’s lives is devastating, and often creates a lifetime struggle for them.

It is a lifetime struggle, that is, until they go through the process of releasing their personal fears and altering their direction. Forgiveness is what every therapist says must happen. But, before forgiveness can take place, two things must occur-- acknowledgement and understanding.  It is important that there be an acknowledgement that the abuse did happen and that the abused is not at fault.  Once there is acknowledgement--a very personal process that is different for each individual-- there can be an attempt at understanding. Without these two steps, acknowledgement and understanding, it is impossible for the abused to even conceive of forgiveness.

The remainder of this article will delve into the reasons why these types of abuse happen, so that it can help readers break through the barriers they may have lived behind and achieve that understanding. Let us break it down by gender and abuser, starting with the Men and the Parish Priest.

Men and the Parish Priest Priests are an interesting group. Many priests are truly caring, loving individuals that are just doing good work. Many individuals, however, join the priesthood because they feel shame for their very natural sexual desires and use the priesthood as a means for hiding from those feelings, whether straight or gay. Let’s look at their feelings of shame. First of all, many of these men grew up in Catholic families where homosexuality is not okay in the eyes of the “Lord.” When their natural feelings of homosexuality arise, they feel shame for those feelings, and suppress them.  The promise of a devout, celibate life draws suppressed men to the priesthood like moths to a flame. For the gay man, the reality is that their homosexual inclinations are a very natural and normal part of who they are. The problem is that they feel shame for their natural tendencies and build walls around them.

In priests' lives, they have suppressed the physical need for a natural way to receive love, and so, the desires must burst forth because they have halted the natural flow of love in their lives. This can lead to making bad choices. These choices then reinforce their feelings that they are bad people and should be ashamed. They struggle with this shame before, during, and after the horrible acts that are committed against the boys and girls in their charge. This all comes down to the simple fact that they are afraid of not having love, and find ways of justifying their lust as love. The damage this causes the world is farther reaching than most people realize.  I see it all the time, in every city I visit.   Every person on earth just wants to be loved, be they gay or straight, man, woman, or child. Our natural inclinations of sexual love can not truly be suppressed.  There will always be some sort of release. The sexual side of our nature is a representation of who we are and how we express our love. Whether being born homosexual, or choosing homosexuality, love is never wrong.  I take joy in helping as many of the abused as I can.   I help them to find their way past these blockages in their lives, and show them that there is love and it can be safe and unconditional.

Women and Father Figures

The men who are abusive to women are usually the victims of damaging relationships with their own parents. Most of the men I have worked with had parents with addictions of some sort, alcoholism being the foremost. Addictive behaviors are a search for a better feeling, also known as love. The reason they search for love is that their lives are full of negative feelings like loss, abandonment, and self hatred. All too often, this creates a horrible downward spiral from one generation to the next. I frequently am working with men who as children, wanted the unconditional love of their parents. Instead, they received only conditional love and not fully understanding that they were denied what they needed, they fall into addictive behaviors -just like their parents- in a search for the feeling of love.

These men always have low self esteem. Sometimes that same low self esteem manifests in a very large ego. This ego is a power play where they set themselves in a position of power so that they are respected or feared. They view this respect or fear as being loved. This viewpoint then leads to a cycle of behavior that often leads to sexual abuse because the sexual satisfaction they receive -from the bad things they do to innocent children- is reinforced by the positive physical sensations. As addicts they are driven by the need for these feelings, but since they do not fully understand what love is, they are never satisfied and the cycle continues until broken.  The good news is the cycle can be broken.  The feelings of shame and desperation, the self-doubt and suppression of love, do not need to be passed to the next generation.  Each generation has the power to choose.  To break the negative cycle is to choose love.

Choosing Love

I believe that we come into this world to fully experience love (God/Universe).  We do this by developing a healthy relationship between love and fear.  Understand that you are loved at all times. You are not alone in your experience. You do not have to search for the feeling of love.  We cannot know or experience love, without also experiencing its opposite (fear). Love is yours and you can follow your heart.  Love will flow, and love denied will burst forth in self gratification. For the abuser: get help and stop the cycle now. For you, the current victims: tell someone so that people can help. For the people who suffer from past abuses: choose to release the anchors of the past by seeing the abusers as victims themselves and forgiving them. Then choose this to be a new day and love as you want to love. Be the best expression of love you can be. It is who you are. I love you.

“Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.” ~Gary Zukav

*Here is a link to "The Eight Steps for Breaking Through the Fear Barrier." It might prove helpful.

Friday, June 10, 2011 at 5:12PM

“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.” ~James Allen

“I can’t. I’ll never. They don’t. I’ll Try. I Hope. I Need.”   The ever muttering mantra of those plagued with self doubt. Is this you? It damn sure was me! I suffered the agonizing pain of a low self worth and self doubt. I don’t anymore. It was a real challenge in my life. I struggled with obesity from an early age.  I was a social outcast in my town. I never fit in except with a very few people, some of whom moved away when I was young. I was born into a house that always struggled for money. I had a father who was self absorbed with an alcohol issue. It was hard and affected me in more ways than one. But I overcame it. I look back at that boy and I must say that I overcame it. I didn’t have therapy or counseling. It was I myself, and a spiritual understanding, that changed my life.

“If you fear making anyone mad, then you ultimately probe for the lowest common denominator of human achievement.” ~ Jimmy Carter

As an adult these subconscious beliefs permeated my life. I felt I wasn’t worthy or even lovable. I felt as if I was worthless and those beliefs played themselves out in my life. I was told I was “a worthless bum” and I struggled as a bum for many years. I failed at many things in my life until I changed my mind. I had to do it - I had to make a choice and declare that choice to the world. Nothing changes in your world unless you change your mind about it first. The Universe is nothing but the product of your belief, and that belief in the creative channel through which your world experience is formed. But when do you change it? The biggest spiritual truth I wish I could transport into the mind of humanity is that nothing happens outside of this moment. Everything is based in what you think say and do in this moment. Tomorrow never really happens until it is today. Yesterday can’t happen again. So this pivotal moment is the moment of breaking self doubt.

“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances.” ~Bruce Barton

Self doubt is the fear of not being loved. As you sit in that chair right now realize that the universe is God/source. “God is Love” is right in the Bible (I know, I wrote that part (LOL)). Everything you experience in the world is love. Many people will argue that fact. But the most loving thing God/Universe can do is give us what we are asking for. We ask with our belief. What do you believe? Do you believe that the world is hard and you are not worthy? If so, what does the world show you? I’ll bet the world shows you reasons to believe that life is hard and you’re not worthy. I have a friend who his entire life believed that the world was easy and he would always have money. He one time told me he gives himself $20,000 a year to just blow on toys. He knows he will always have money and so God/Universe gives him money. BTW, he has really cool toys.

In this moment will you commit to changing your life? If you do everything changes and your world will show you the change. Once you see the change your self-doubt is demolished through time and results. Those results cannot happen unless you start in this moment.

“Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment.” ~Thomas Carlyle

If you want more information about breaking through the fears of self doubt, check out “The Eight Steps for Breaking through the Fear Barrier," a free coaching report when you sign up for the newsletter at www.johnofpeniel.com.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011 at 11:16PM

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~ Confucius

When I was a kid I wanted to be a policeman. I huddled next to my big metal television to watch Starsky and Hutch, SWAT, and yes, even Barney Miller. Not just any beat cop mind you, but a homicide detective was my goal. I always played cops and robbers. I would come home tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

As I grew up, my thoughts changed. I started working as a landscaper which led to becoming a landscape designer. I got the opportunity to design beautiful gardens and build them. I came home tired each day, tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

During this time I began frequenting renaissance festivals. I would get dressed in cool looking clothing and pay my way in and act as if I was from another time. It was so much fun. One day I was offered the opportunity to work one as a performer. That led to more than two decades as a sword-fighting comedian. At the end of each day I would come home tired but contented. It was my Dream Job.

“Acting is everybody's favorite second job.” ~Jack Nicholson

I have had several other jobs as well: teaching college, fight directing, acting, directing. Each had many challenges, each was enlightening and each left me heading home tired and contented. Each was my Dream Job.

I now live my life empowering people to be the best they can be. I share my stories that were created in my other dream jobs. I help people get out of their way, break through their personal fears, and create amazing lives. I get to witness miracles on a regular basis. My job is to share my life experiences, both the positive and the negative, and tell how I overcame the obstacles and propelled my life forward. My job is to be me, in all the facets of me there are. To share the knowledge I have acquired in this life and in past lives, to step out and be me. At the end of the day I go home charged up and happily contented to know I have done good works for others and humanity as a whole. I am blessed to have my life be my Dream Job.

“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” ~Aristotle

Thank You
Thank You
Thank You

Wednesday, June 1, 2011 at 11:53AM

“You do anything long enough to escape the habit of living until the escape becomes the habit.” ~ David Ryan

I have had the opportunity to work with many people who have suffered with addiction over the years. It is a difficult monkey to have on your back. When you are immersed in addiction, all seems helpless. You become afraid of not having your fix. Many of you know that I believe that our life experience is a dance of Love and Fear. It is through the eradication of fear that we reach the state many call enlightenment. If, as the Bible says,”God is Love,” then we are here to experience our separation from Love so we can know Love/God fully. So the reality is each of us just wants to be loved.

"Life is meant to be a celebration! It shouldn't be necessary to set aside special times to remind us of this fact. Wise is the person who finds a reason to make every day a special one." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

Addictions are based on several factors. Doctors will tell you it is a chemical response. I believe that our life experience is a product of belief. Those beliefs are based on their relationship to Love and to Fear. Recently while working with someone addicted to smoking, I looked at the time in their life that the smoking started. “Peer pressure,” was the reason given. As we looked deeper into the reason it was very apparent that she wanted the others to like her. So in reality she began smoking because she wanted her peers to love her. If you look at her life before this moment you come to realize that before she started smoking, she already felt unloved. She had been searching for a positive relationship experience and she found that using the tool of smoking.

"Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~ Bill Cosby

Conditional love creates fear and distrust which makes us feel separate and alone. When you ask a smoker why they smoke, the answer usually is “it relaxes me.” That is because when they don’t smoke they are in fear. Smoking, or any other addiction, is just their means of getting the feeling of love. Smoking becomes their spouse. Stopping smoking is like ending a loving relationship. You're afraid you won’t have that feeling anymore. If the smoker is in a relationship, then the best thing their spouse can do is, instead of giving a negative response to the smoking, is take the moment they want to smoke and love them fully. If your relationship is also a sexual one then make love when they feel the need to smoke. Afterwards give them  positive feedback so they feel loved and accomplished.  People smoke after sex due to anxiety. Alleviate the anxiety and you alleviate the need for smoking. Don’t allow love making to become the addiction. Love them unconditionally and in all ways, and then they feel loved and, after time and results, they will set their fear down.

“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.”~ George Carlin

Addiction is a bad lover. Whatever your personal addiction is, realize that it is a relationship. The reason it is a relationship is because it gives you the feeling of love. When ending that relationship you will have all the pangs of a relationship ending. When the addictive relationship ends, remember you are ending it because it was unhealthy and not truly loving.

Sunday, May 29, 2011 at 12:48PM

Memorial Day, originally called Decoration Day, is a day of remembrance for those who have died in our nation's service.

I have done six USO tours in my life. I have witnessed firsthand the bravery of women and men of our armed forces. I discovered early on that most are very determined to be of service. Though I am not one who supports wars, I must recognize the selfless service of these brave individuals. To be a US soldier means that you volunteer to go anywhere to defend the freedoms of others, and even though I feel that the drawing of lines between peoples and nations was the downfall of modern society, you must look at the act of joining the military as a supreme act of service. Today I honor those who have volunteered and fallen in their selfless act.

Service –noun ---- an act of helpful activity; help; aid: to do someone a service.

Today also I would like to remember some others who have passed in service to humanity. People like Mother Teresa who selflessly gave of herself to feed and care for the starving children of Calcutta. Mahatma Gandhi who gave of himself repeatedly to prove nonviolence was more powerful than violence. Let us also remember Moses, Buddha, Krishna, Jeshua, Mohammed, and many more Avatars who gave their entire lives as an example for humanity. These also gave of themselves selflessly. The soldiers are no less important than these amazing spiritual individuals. Where they are and what they are doing is unimportant; what is important is that they chose to be of service. The act of choosing and acting upon that decision creates a noble ripple in the fabric of the Universe. The intention of service is the most noble of acts.  

"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." ~ Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama

Today I honor the act of service. I remember those that have fallen in service to another. I strive to be as noble as they and hold high a memorial in my heart for each and every one. God bless Humanity. The Selfless serve, praised be to Allah. Be the hero they were in your everyday. One day we will set down our arms and celebrate together as humanity.

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." ~ Mohandas K. Gandhi

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you